Psychosis

Posted: April 23, 2017 in Quickie

As I walked down the narrow street, with my back to the oncoming traffic, I had an epiphany.

It hit me like a gut-punch>

it was the feeling of drowning…in a sea of blackness<the sinking feeling>of helplessness…not knowing how to climb out of quicksand>>
It’s Déjà vu<< I cannot believe that I’m back in the wormhole…maybe I never really escaped or is a better explanation a time loop? [stupid] >> am I the ‘cool’ type of crazy? << Or is it the psychosis the doctor [nurse] diagnosed? << can my brain form words to describe any of it?>>>
life is a conundrum of esoterica…is what we tell ourselves when shit gets too complicated to comprehend>< ><><><<><><><><><><<><>

I can only get my thoughts out in patches. Though I doubt I’m losing grip on what’s real…not just yet> I’m not losing sleep over anything, so my nights are fine<<< it’s the daytimes that drag on forever… a montage of heartaches>> [blip]the day I was happy might have been a glitch in the simulation[blip]<<<< the memories of all my everythings eventually turn to nothing<, does nothing mean anything><

maybe you’re toxic.>> maybe you’re not>> maybe you’re just paranoid<<<<<< the [nurse] would say you’re a paranoid schizophrenic<you’ll never win if you try<you’ll lose if you do nothing<<you’re going to be something great if you’re anything but who you are…simply because you suck<<<<<<< fuck you.

Summer 🎆…

Posted: May 21, 2016 in Quickie

Its time for summer time sadness
Its time for Sunday mornings spent dreaming
Its time for waking up feeling kinda sad
Its the time for the lonely

The days don’t feel long enough for living
Its a task too daunting to finish
Its time to give up the thought process
Its the time for getting lost

What’s an evolution in stagnancy?
Running a race without legs
Its a time already lived through
Its the time for déjà vu

Its time for chain-smoking
Its time for feeling stifled
Its time for broken promises
Its the time to search for meaning


This feeling of dejection Isn’t of guilt, I’ve grown past that; This feeling is of fatigue And frustration at myself. Somehow I haven’t progressed Like the rest of the world, it seems To come so effortlessly to everyone Else but me, it’s pure instinct and nature But it’s so alien to me, a sweet fantasy; […]

via Three In The Morning — The Unconventional Psycho

A Christmas Story……..

Posted: December 25, 2015 in Quickie

Baby Chris was 6 months and 11 days when he died,
He never got to see his first Christmas.
All Mary and Joe did on the day was cry,
What a happy day to be sad.

Mary thought Chris would look perfect in the cute little green hat.
Joe was going to take the best pictures of Chris under the tree.
They thought they we’re going to be happy because they hadn’t been bad,
Apparently Santa just didn’t agree.

They sobbed to the sound of silence,
As they sang their song of sadness.
Baby Chris was the joy to their world, 
And now they despaired for he is no more.

Mary and Joe hadn’t time to take down the decorations,
So their home looked a celebration.
Nobody came by the the house, there wasn’t any gold, frankeneses, pebble or stone,
So Mary and Joe spent Christmas all alone.

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Cheers my G,O,D…..

Posted: November 15, 2015 in Quickie

Its 5:41 in the morning and I’m out here getting inebriated
But none of this means anything

It’s cold, but I feel the heat
I feel it like a cigarette burn
I feel it like my soul is on fire
Like my lungs when I’m drowning…

I want to fly but I feel really heavy
Like I’m tethered to the ground
Like I’m made of lead
Like I’m Atlas with no spine
Like I’m fighting quicksand
Like the block tied round my ankle…

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Ramblings of A fRaCtUrEd mind…

Posted: November 13, 2015 in Quickie

This whole thing is pointless…

I should have know better
than to get involved
I should have stayed farther away.

Don’t call me stupid, because, well, the truth hurts…

I put my neck on the chopping block… and got stabbed in the chest
Somebody should have told me that I’m just a joke.
I’m choking on the blood in my lungs
trying to band aid the whole in my chest
trying not to laugh
Why ruin a perfectly good nightmare?…

My heart says I need pain to be happy;
Ridiculous thoughts of a fractured mind.

I’m telling a story that never ends
I’m living in one single moment.
A hazy time loop
A mirage of tomorrow.
I’m doing a very poor job at living…

A villain, and
a coward.
Maybe I’m too ashamed to see
Maybe ‘they’ were always right
Maybe the rest of the world are the sane ones after all…


Stay away,
I’m what’s wrong with you

You think you need to save me, that
all I need to do is see myself through your own eyes

But who’s going to save you?
From me…

Its better this way….

Wounded Bird: what to do…..

Posted: October 27, 2015 in Quickie

Too many different people say the same things; that I should be grateful, that I have it better than most. I hear a story and think ‘damn that’s rough’ I don’t think ‘I know somebody who has it worse’.
The only three things on my to do list in life are; to live, learn and grow. To become better. Because I’ve had it with being bad.
Poems make me sad. But the fact that it makes me feel is everything to me. Pain gets old, you become numb to it after a while.
So for an identity, I’ve chosen a poet. Because poets are really just cowards. Because poets aren’t as truthful as they would like you believe. Because poets just want to feel understood or maybe even loved…

image

What do you want with a broken bird?
One that never learned to fly
Or maybe never had the courage to try.
Before you think to say a word
Before you ask it why?
Before you say ‘reach for the sky’
Before you ask about a girl…
Smile and tell it everything would be okay
That the world is probably not going to end today
And right before you get carried away
Put it down, and walk away…