Archive for May, 2014

Windowpane…..

Posted: May 7, 2014 in Quickie

He never thought that he could feel so scared…

Nothing felt real. Not the blood splattered all over the walls, not the lifeless bodies of people he once knew and loved lying in the pool, or the stench of death and the chill of its presence, not even the loop of screams in his head. None of that felt real to him at all, in fact, they didn’t seem to matter in that moment. The only thing that felt real was the fear.
He simply stood in the doorway, unable to move, he just watched them.
Maybe if I looked hard enough they’d disappear, maybe I’ll just wake up from this strange dream if I wanted it badly enough.
But he knew, he knew the fear wasn’t all that was real. He knew the terror in my wife’s dead eyes was real, he knew her head being off her neck wasn’t just a figment of his imagination, he knew his older daughter was really cut open by, probably the same blade that took his wife’s head and he could tell that his younger daughter had wanted better than for her last moments be of some maniac strangling the life from her neck after raping her. He knew all of these were real. He only had one question.

He dialled 911 and waited for an operator… “911, what’s your emergency?”
“Why?”
“Excuse me, sir?” The operator.
“Why?” He asked again.
“Why what, sir?”
“Why did this happen to me?”….

***

As Luke sat in his study -the same spot he sat every single day since the incident with his family- and wondered about the weather. The weather-people on the telly said it would be sunny by now. But it rained outside his window.
He always hated when it rained, he got struck by lightening when he was 8 years old, on his way back from summer school, and so he hated everything that came with it. When it got cloudy, right before it rained, he got depressed -more so lately.
It had been two years since he walked into his bedroom, to find his wife and children, murdered. But when it rained, he thought about all the unfortunate things that has happened in his life, and he could not stop asking “why?” And today wasn’t any different. He questioned his luck, he questioned if he was supposed to be happy or was it meant to be cloudy in his life all the time, he even wondered if he had brought all these evil upon himself. But then he asked himself who these questions were meant for; he had lost his faith in God a long time ago and he was starting to lose faith in himself, in his ability to continue, he had no reason to.
He missed them so much.
Sometimes, he could hear his younger daughter, Molly, laughing when he was alone in his study, and then, he would see her sitting in front of the fireplace, playing with her doll, Miss Joy.
She would have been 8 next month.

He was wallowing in the pain, he embraced the resentment, the resentment he felt toward himself for bringing death on his innocent wife and children. He allowed himself to feel all the hate he had for himself. He didn’t even drink to numb the pain, because if he didn’t have the pain, he had nothing. He felt nothing…

It poured outside and he watched as drops of rain bounced off his windowpane. There were flashes of lightening and he could see his wife standing in the yard, reaching for him in the night. He got up and walked to the window and touched the fogged up glass. He wrote, with his finger, the words “I’m sorry”.
The deafening claps of thunder didn’t move him, he just blinked as a single tear rolled down his left cheek. But then she was gone and he called out her name “Jane…”
He retreated back to his chair, heaved a sigh of acceptance and took out his pistol from the pocket of his robe…

And outside, it continued to rain…..

Lazy Assed Magician

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