Destiny…

Posted: July 14, 2013 in Quickie

 Alone in this dark room, that one thought running wild in my head like a hyperactive child. 

A dead cold glock in my left hand, and on the other hand is a joint slowly burning to its end. 

Just as I can feel the heat on my fingers letting my know the impending fate of the blunt, my gut can sense that whatever is left of my “little light” -that frankly, I refused to let shine- is about to burn out.

But I’m not scared, my nerves are like steel, as steady as they’ve ever been…

I know that this is what I have to do, “this is exactly what needs to happen”.. I’m clear…

Sins and forgiveness have been weighed and the verdict has been passed, and the only thing that keeps echoing in my conscience is “this is the way it has to be”…

 

We joke everyday about killing somebody, only nobody actually ever does go through with it. 

Taking a person’s life just seems like the greatest sin of all, to which there’s no repentance or forgiving even. 

But “this is the way it has to be”…

 

“Enough thinking!” 

I jump out of the chair and head straight out the door to my car. 

Its dawn already, I must have stayed up all night contemplating, well, not anymore.

Now I’m acting…

 

I’m on the highway, doing 120mph. 

The adrenaline.

Everything is peachy till I see a billboard with her face on it…

 

Before long I’m taking a trip down memory lane. 

Its haunted by the past, its her face, her voice, her laugh.. 

Its HER.

At first its good nostalgia until..

Its yelling and breaking stuff, her tears..

Its ME…

 

I snap back to reality. 

My foot has been on the accelerator this whole time and now my steering wheel is shaking almost uncontrollably from the speed, I must have been doing just over 200mph.

“Maybe I’ll crash and I wouldn’t have to go through with it”

 

“But this is the way it has to be”…

 

I hit the brakes to try and get my speed down, my gun falls of the passenger seat and hit ground. 

I’m reaching trying to get it, seconds later, I have the gun in my hand.  

Time to start moving again, but that’s when I realised that I hadn’t stopped moving in the first place.

I look up just in time to see the oncoming truck, with deafening honks….

 

FUCK!……

 

 

Like nothing happened, I’m back on the road, back on course. 

Nerves still calm, head still clear, no doubt in my mind. 

“This is the way it has to be”…

 

Now I’m sitting outside her building. 

I’m not enraged, I’m not hurt. 

I’m just clear. 

“Its what has to happen”…

 

I’m out of the car, up the stairs and in front of her door in what seemed like just seconds.

I’m banging on the door…

 

It takes a while, I mean its 6:30am, it early. 

But she finally opens the door. 

I’m not entirely ready for what I see next..

Her Face..

I almost entertain the thought that I might not be able to go through with it.

 

“What are you doing here, Mike” she asks. 

I’m about to start explaining, when I see Him…

 

“Here goes nothing”

Without saying a word, I pull out the glock from my hip. 

The look of terror on their faces my just have been my reason for coming here in the first place. 

Remember the person’s life that I said needed to be taken?

That life is Mine, I’m the one who has to die.

“It the way it has to be”…

 

My Ex-girlfriend and my Best friend, in apartment 7D.. D used to stand for Destiny, now D stands for death.. My death… 

 

In the same hallway it all started……..

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